You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
