her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
