She is in my trunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
