I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
