Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
