We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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