Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
