Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
