I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
