no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
