it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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