It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
