I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the liver wants what the liver wants
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
