i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
