please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
