is your mom at the bar?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
