Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
