im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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