Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
