Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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