Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
