i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize