If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
