Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
