whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
