First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I look better un-naked...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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