who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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