I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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