He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
