he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have already put on my inside pants.
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