it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
