If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize