Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
