My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
