i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
someone owes me an orgasm
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize