weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
