Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
