How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
