He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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