Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
