i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize