Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize