how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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