You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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