just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
