and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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