i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
