I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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