You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
