bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
