Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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