I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
