i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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