I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
