so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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