Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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