My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize