he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
