Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
