We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
