i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize