Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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