This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
