Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
