At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
