No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
