she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
