Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My hand turned me down
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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