Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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