We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
