He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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