he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
