I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im holly from the hills drunk
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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