i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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