So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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