u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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