You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Let's get the cat blown out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
