So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
