I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize