last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
