You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize