I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
