I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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