so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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