My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
