Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
