it was like eating out sand paper
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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