Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
