just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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