Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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