i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize