You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
