dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
