in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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