Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
