Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This is my gift to your gina
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
