is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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