Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize