Heybabeimwearingurpanties
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
