I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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