Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
