I think my vagina is haunted
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
