omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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