Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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