Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
