my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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