I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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