you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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