What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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