Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
