Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
