i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
