you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
