I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
