Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
