I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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