Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
