margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
