He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
