i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
